Tell me why: I don't like Mondays

I want to start by thanking our opponents. Did you know that their websites (HHW and RHM) have referred over 80 people to this site? Well it's true. Did you know that a representative of team HHW told us to be at a politics class to debate at 9:30, when the class was actually scheduled for 10:30? Well that's true too! Oh man, was I "cheesed" off. I promised him that I would be like an elephant with a super powered memory and never forget. He gave me an earnest and sincere apology. I accepted...but in retrospect, some wounds need more than a band-aid-they need stitches.

The "debate" went well. My favourite part was when the professor plugged our band after our opening statement. I was honestly worried this guy wouldn't be into Tony's Cuts, but as I said it I realized that some ideas are too good to be discarded. How could anyone not like Tony? They haven't even met him! I also enjoyed talking about Ralph Nader and Quebec's attempts at seperation.

The reason I was upset about the 9:30 thing was that it's sort of early in the morning, and I had to miss a class about airplanes. Also, I went to see the movie Sideways last night, and it reaaaaalllly made me want to have wine when I got home. But I didn't. Because I had to get up early. Which wasn't true.

Anyways, the point is that aside from this one misshap, no other teams have openly aired any grievances with us, which makes me happy. We're kind of stupid and luckily I don't think it bothers them enough to tell us. Sure, someone ripped down a bunch of our signs, but I bet it wasn't any of the opposing teams. After all, who could possibly be afraid of cardboard?

Want a Blue Man for Less Green?

Yeah, so today was weird. We had a satellite question and answer with people at the castle...there were 10 of them. The long time delay made things even more awkward. Dave carried us by making castle puns and talking aobut moats.

Yesterday we had our Golden Words interview. And then today we had our pictures taken. Most of the time it was just Provan talking about being sexy. Also, we officially unveiled our stance as the first AMS excutive candidates openly and admittedly AGAINST necrophilia.

Back to Arrested Development...

Stories from the Campaign Trail

OH MAN!

I am still alive. So is the deer that ran in front of my car at 12:30 AM while I was driving out to Renfrew. Seriously, this deer was crazy. It was a doe, for those interested. Anyhow, I slammed on the brakes, and skidded to the right of the road, at which point the deer just got out of the way. I also honked the horn at the deer...but not until after it ran away, as if it was a renegade cab driver. I showed that deer!

Provan was in the car with me, as was Tom Woodhall (our "campaign" manager) and two other duders. We sang 99 bottles of beer on the wall in its entirety. We're not proud of it, but it happened. I've never done that before- it sort of hurts your voice.

Anyhow, we came up with a bunch of new ideas, and look forward to revealing them on Monday. These ideas target Common Ground, JDUC bathrooms, and other assorted hot button issues.

Ladies and Gentleman, a quote from Ms. Geena Davis:
"Uh, it's discouraged for campaigns to interact. For instance, if one speechwriter were to date another, they might reveal something crucial about the campaign. Some campaigns have spies for just this purpose, whose job it is to follow the speechwriter, and to seduce her"
-Geena Davis, Speechless (1994)

Musings on Geena Davis

So I've been reading our opponents websites... and I realized we're being way too nice! First, we make signs out of cardboard we found on the road using crayons we're hoping to donate to charity-and what has practically everyone else on campus done? Printed adverts on recyclable paper! Listen, recycling rules, but let's try to remember the first two 'R''s shall we? They're called REDUCE and REUSE! I'm sure Captain Planet was smiling in his grave when he noticed we REused pizza boxes and only made a sufficient yet modest 21 signs.(some of which have yet to be erected)

You now how much teams are allowed to spend on these campaigns? 800 dollars! We might have been spending that much if we could, but we obviously CAN'T. You need 10% of the vote to get your money back. And then it's a free handout from the AMS...and you know where that money comes from?? The STUDENTS (i think, not sure.) With 6 teams running it's difficult for a team from small town Toronto and Muskoka to even have a shot at 8%. BUT FEAR NOT ADVOCATES FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE AND REFORM! WE WILL NOT STAND BY AND LET THE WORLD PUNCH YOU IN THE THROAT! We will continue to fight the good fight AT ALL COSTS (under 50 dollars or so)

But back to the websites i read- apparently some other campaigns think it's time to start slinging mud, referring to their own platform as "the best". I won't name names, but it's that type of attitude which can do nothing but FURTHER the clique. I'm willing to admit that we are all equals. But until the other teams retreat from their current alledged superiority based on "the best" platform "so far", i fear the elections may be lost to the dark demon of smear campaigns and olden days trickery. And voodoo (like in Weekend at Bernies 2...that was awesome)

I leave you with a quote aimed at keeping strong during moments of weakness and despair:

"Jimmy Dugan: All right, everyone, let's listen up now, listen up. Something important has just happened. I was in the toilet reading my contract, and it turns out, I get a bonus when we get to the World Series. So, let's play hard, let's play smart, use your heads.
Doris Murphy: [quoting him] That's that lump three feet above our ass, right, Jimmy? [laughter]
Jimmy Dugan: Some more prominent than others, there, Doris."
- A League of Their Own (1992)

A word to the wise

Be careful if you 're trying to obtain humourous pictures of the current AMS executive. Because apparently there's more than one person named Kelly Steele... I think I'm grounded.

.
Brian knows what I'm talking about!

Sitcoms

Remember when they were king? Everyone complains about reality tv but seriously, Family Matters?! A kid with tight pants and a nasally voice with 2-3 catch phrases does not an intellectual show make.

Speaking of sitcoms that may not be good, but are on around 5:30 so you watch it because you're sick of everyone on Everyone Loves Raymond except for Ray-King of Queens. Do people make King of Queens jokes about the AMS? I've never heard Tyler Turnbull called the King of Queens. If we win this election, we will definitely try to change the title of president to King.

Ok, so i was just looking for a picture of Tyler Turnbull which i was going to crudely alter, but i discovered he wrote for the journal. Crazy! http://www.queensjournal.ca/articlephp/point-vol130/issue26/sports/lead1 Also i decided i'm through with capitalizing 'i''s. It's not worth the effort.

Ok, now i found this:

www.charlottetown2004.com/ spudball/newsletter_aug1404.pdf

"Calahoo Erins take bat boy Tyler under their wing

There is no doubt who Tyler Turnbull, batboy for
the Calahoo Erins, was cheering for last night in
championship round action.
Turnbull, who
volunteered for the team two years ago, is having
the time of his life with the Alberta team who
has showered him with attention and memories
to last a lifetime. The team has taken him to
team dinners including an outing to Fisherman’s
Wharf, and has invited him to all team activities,
to the point where his mom, Lynda Turnbull, also
a volunteer at the 2004 event, has had to track
him down a few times. The Turnbull family, in
return for the team’s kindness to Tyler, invited
them to their home in Harrington for a meal.
One highlight of the week for Tyler, going into
grade 9 at Stone Park Junior High, was when the
team presented him with a batter’s helmet with
all of the team members’ signatures"

I LOVE THE INTERNET!

Messer's Beans

Dave Messer is making beans. Specifically, bean burritos. He makes these things ALL THE TIME. It's sort of gross, because he leaves the pan out to dry for a few days typically. But he's the only one who cooks beans that way, so we all know it was him.

Anyways, he just said to me :"Imagine we had a webcam in here now. Then everybody could see it." Picturing it? It's not exciting.

We found cardboard on the street

...and used it to make about 20 signs. We put them up on campus. I forgot to wear a jacket and it was really cold. It inspired me to want to reach out and start making signs promoting warm clothes for winter months. Or cool summer nights. And fall and spring or whatever.

On another note: CAMPAIGNING IS FUN! So maybe we have yet to stand in the JDUC and talk to people about whatever, but we got our picture in the journal! I usually hang around AMS services hoping desperately to be featured in Talking Heads, but I think this might even be awesomer.

I came home and ate half a jar of pickles today. I'm not proud of it. They were Baby Dills. They were delicious. And I hadn't eaten at all.

Oh, Provan got interviewed by the journal today. We tape recorded it...some of the answers were sort of boring to be honest, but some of them were great. I think he made a Tom Clancy joke and talked about The West Wing. He got to fill out a questionnaire. He tried to right a joke about Harry Rosen, a clothing store that makes fine menswear, but wrote Henry Rosen by accident- RATS!

CHECK OUT NIXON BOWLING!

Nixon didn't know how to bowl before taking this picture, but he sure knew how to dress.

another idea

okay, imagine you're in the jduc, and you're like "Woah, my hair needs a trim, and I have to make dinner. Also, I haven't had any protein today so I should consider eating meat, which is a source of protein" What would you do?!
Imagine a place called Tony's Cuts. Half deli, have barbershop. The head barber is also the head butcher! Feasibility aside, it would be sort of cool.

Our Platform. The Platform.

Vision. Accountability. Representation. It’s all crap. And so are you.

Hi! We’re Team Khaki Snack. A lot of teams in the past have made a lot of promises that either didn’t happen, or just plain old sucked. But I’ll tell you what doesn’t suck: Reality TV! This new craze is about to sweep the nation, and Team Khaki Snack (a.k.a. Team BMP) wants to get the AMS in on the ground floor- literally! Yup, we want to put cameras EVERYWHERE in the AMS offices. Maybe even our homes. The fact that no one has suggested this is the past has got to make you think: What were they trying to hide from you???

Moving right along, you know what Alfie’s needs? Us to throw more money into it, of course. Also, a name more fitting of its ‘hole-in-the-ground’ status. Like Alfie’s Bombshelter. Or WOW COUCHES WOW!! Or Molson’s presents Alfie’s Molsonotorium…in partnership with Bombay Sapphire…but mostly Molson.

Do you jog? Have you never used Walkhome? Then you’re sort of like us! I bet the reason for this is because Walkhome needs to be overhauled, and renamed Joghome. Our services need to be able to keep up with today’s fast paced student lifestyle. And also, I want to start jogging but can’t find anyone to do it with.

Queen’s needs a Barber Shop quartet singing telegram service.

If elected, Team Khaki Snack will release a book of epic proportions entitled “Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about the AMS but were too indifferent to ask” It’ll have a special “Where are they now?” section. For instance, did you know that Former AMS president Mike Lindsay later spent his summer working for The Haunted Walk of Kingston?

Reduce. Re-use. Recycle. You’ve got three R’s. NOW USE THEM!

Vote Burpee Messer Provan!

Prepare for your impending doom

RIP Dimebag Darrell